guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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