Screwed.edu
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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