It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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