My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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