I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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