What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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