i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Panties = found
Randomize
