Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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