i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
