I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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