I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
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