I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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