my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
