Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
