I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
