shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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