I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
