i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
