Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
