ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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