apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Randomize
