Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
