By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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