I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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