New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
