in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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