Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
