My boss' voice literally gives me gas
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
