maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
