Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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