Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
