I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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