tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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