We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
