I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
