And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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