overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
