**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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