no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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