Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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