i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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