Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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