i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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