Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
