You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
