So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
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I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
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Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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