To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i barfeds in our rink
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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