I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
