Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
