My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
soo... how was my night?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
