Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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