to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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