we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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