I got chris browned last night
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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