i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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