Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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