what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
