its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
