I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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