"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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