I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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