I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
