$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize