Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
